Assalamualaikum

First, apologies kalau banyak typos berabis. Im using a keyboard im berabisly not use to and also in a bit of a rush. Point of this post is it was my first jumaat back in brunei today and i was looking forward to it because i enjoy the UBD mosque. Nothing can beat it in the UK. Nothing can beat it in most places. Everything seems small in comparison. Nada emotional feel i have with the UBD mosque.

My favourite time would be time sembahyang raya. Bangun at 530 to make sure dapat parking arah masjid (we dont jalan at 530, bangun saja pasal kami batah kan get ready). ngalih ngalih berabis because time ramadhan bangun at 3pm everyday. But when u go into the masjid you still feel ngalih and its even worse because the aircond plus wudhu water makes you very cold. This makes my nose fill up with ingus. At least nowadays ive learned to bring tissues. Kalau masa kanak kanak pakai baju saja. HAHAHA.

Anyway back to my point. I was looking forward to my first jumaat back. And it was good. Masuk masjid ada familiar environment. The whole feel was also very bruneian, which i like. Kalau sembahyang di uk, u dont get the same feeling. Macam everyone strangers saja. Tapi the thing that felt missing was the khutbah. Hari ani khutbah was pasal dadah. Dont get me wrong, im not supporting drugs or anything, i just think the khutbah maybe a little out of place to the people who actually go for sembahyang jumaat.

Ill try to not sound too preachy here but I think what the islamic authorities, the government and the imams should really focus on is bringing stronger islamic values to our lives. I just feel that focussing on drugs is only addressing a small part of the problem. I think we need to focus on the basics. Get people to come back to religion, strengthen their religion, then focus on other goals.

Religion first. And what better way than to bring people back to the basic principals. When we have a strong foundation, a problem like drugs would be easy to kill. Also, are ciggarettes a drug? hahaha. Ada problem kali tu trying to get rid of that problem.

Well this is only my first jumaat back. I may be talking nonsense so forgive me kalau ada tesalah cakap.

Insyallah update again soon.

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarakatuh

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullah

Hello all. I wont bore you with the normal 'sorry aku batah inda update' stuff. Im sure most of you know aku ani pemalas especially when it comes to times when I have so much free time on my hands. Its when im at my laziest to do anything besides main game. If I could get a game console and a tv hammered to the ceiling so i wouldnt have to get up ... I would still probably find something to complain about as I would still have to get up and make food. Changing game cds would also be a problem kalau the console is on the ceiling. Its still a good idea though for a lazy gamer. Probably not the best for a normal person.

Banarnya the only reason why I have worked up enough effort to update is because I am in a jiwang mood. For those of you who dont know, I am a hopeless romantic. I always have been. Since my days in SOAS ive always been dreaming of ways to sweep my (imaginary) girlfriend off her feet and amaze her with my totally awesome acts of romance. My siblings, who also probably read this, think im gay for doing it. We as a family have never really been that in touch with romance. Membari malu saja kalau ngam kedapatan aku kan bejiwang sama (imaginary) girlfriend / wife. But nevertheless, the ideas flow through my head like water from my super leaky kitchen tap.

Today I re-watched 'definitely maybe' again. It is up there with my favorite love movie of all time, 'Love Actually'. Gila I could watch these films over and over and never get bored. For the more relatable (spelling!!) jiwang movie, I waste hours upon hours with 'ayat ayat cinta'. Ohh Aisya how cantik you are. Berapa kali sudah ku liat and also think about how differently I would do things if I were in that situation. One of the reasons aku iski berabis kan ke Egypt back in april was because aku kan relive the whole film. Sadly, balum masanya. But Alhamdullillah, best trip I have ever been on.

So here's the whole point of this post. Why am I so caught up with this idea of romance? Or rather, why am I so caught up with this idea of a western romance? Even ayat ayat cinta, despite the marriage being done in a halal way, I THINK that the main guy atu is concerned about the western concept of love.

How you fall in love at first sight. How you automatically know this is the person you are suppose to live the rest of your life with. ...(insert other movie scenarios) ... In my opinion, these are all western ideas about love.

Im not saying this is wrong. I have been pretty much obsessed with these ideas. How I wish to meet my future wife and automatically know that this girl is definitely (maybe :P) the girl im going to spend dunia and akhirat with. It drives you crazy this idea of love. You long for it. Obsess over it. Stress yourself out over it. Get depressed over it. But why? I ask myself the same question all the time.

The only thing I can think of is that we are desperately looking for the person who will complete us. Who will complete our Iman. Who will make us better people, better muslims. I think most would agree.

But lately I thought of something else. Who better to look for when we want to better ourselves. Who better to complete us. Who better than our creator Allah the all mighty, the all knowing. How can we ask/beg Allah for our soul mate, for love when we are missing out the most important thing. Love for our lord. We (maybe just I), take too much for granted when it comes to these matters. We (I) ask for so much but give so little in return. You need to think back right to the basics.

Why were we created?

To worship Allah.

Next would be how do we worship Allah? First there are the five pillars of Islam then the 6 pillars of faith. You can make individual questions for all of these and I could be here all night so instead I will skip to the most important one in relation to what im talking about.

How do we love Allah?

We love our parents im quite sure. They brought us up, made us into the fine people we are today. Can we honestly say we love Allah in an equal manner to our parents. This is already wrong. We should love Allah more than anything other person, thing or idea. Now this is true love. This is the love which is the most powerful in the world. Now I will share with you something I read from a book. This is not exactly what I read so I ask for forgiveness for any inaccuracies.

Allah created an ocean of love. One drop from this ocean has been divided into all the love we have for things. Love for a girlfriend. For a beautiful man/woman. For football. For games. For everything except love you have for your lord. And when you find this love, Allah will bless you with oceans of love. And this is true love. Then you will have endless love for your wife/husband. Only when you understand the love for your lord will you get anywhere close to truly loving anything else.

Apologies kalau ada salah sedikit/banyak. This is pokoknya i guess. To find love, we need to first love Allah. This can be very easy of very difficult. All matters are up to Allah to decide. It has all been preordained so dont worry about it. I can say honestly that I am MILES AND MILES AND MILES away from where I should be. Where I want to be. So ive realised, how can I ask for marriage when I myself am not where I should be as a good muslim.

Insyallah one day we will all reach the highest level of love and religion. Insyallah we will have a loving spounse to share this with. Just remember that Allah doesnt test any of us to more than we can cope with. Just stay strong and chillax, have faith. If your faith is lost, so is your religion so never lose it. Insyallah.

Ok its 4.15am. SAYA MAU TIDUR!! Hopefully update again soon. Apologies again kalau ada tesalah cakap, nasihat, type or totally inda make sense.

Assalamualaikum warrahmattullahi wabarrakattuh.