PART 1 - CHOOSING A SPOUSE/PARTNER/WIFE/HUSBAND (cont)
The 4 conditions in looking for a wife
Assalamualaikum warrahamatullahi wabarakattuh
So here is the 2nd part of the first part, If you get what I mean. Hopefully the first part went down well and I was able to convey the lessons I was taught properly. Hopefully I did it justice. I also thought of something else a while ago, I think at the end of part 1, I will try and give my thoughts on everything and try and explain stuff the way I think it should be explained. But that will come sooner, not yet, as there is still quite abit to talk about. Moving on.
The big picture. The Ummah. The people of Islam and the true believers. These are made of nations. Nations made of communities. Communities made of families. The core of the family, the woman. The woman is the mother, daughter, aunt and the wife. They are the heart of the family which is why is it very important to find the best woman you can so you can have a happy family. This is why, every female, every girl and woman needs to work on there faith. They need to improve themselves as a muslim as they hold the responsibility not only to look after their family, but also their husband. Lets say a husband and a wife has 4 children. This just means that she has 5 children to look after. Its simple maths.
The Prophet Muhammad S.A.W said that
"A woman is married for 4 reasons. Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her Iman. So choose the one with good practice of iman, may your hands be rubbed in dust"
So we can see here the 4 things we look for when looking for a mate.. or rather a wife. I say things and not conditions because these arent conditions to find a good wife. There is only 1 thing needed for a good wife. This is iman.
A nice thing to keep in mind. A wife with iman, you have 1 point. A wife who is also beautiful, add a zero to that and you have a 10. A wife who also has good lineage, a good family, add another zero and you have 100. A rich wife on top of all of this, 1000. But take away the iman and all you have is 3 zeroes. Whats most important? Iman. Iman. Iman.
Another note. Imam Ahmed rahimahullah said
' If a man seeks to get married, then he should ask about her beauty first. If she is beautiful, then he should ask regarding her deen (iman). If she is praised for her deen, then he can proceed and marry her. If she is not praised for her practise of deen, then his rejecting her will be on the basis of religion. He should not ask first about her deen and then her beauty. This is because he will then be rejecting her based on her beauty, and not religion.'
Beauty - You can look for a beautiful wife. But dont build your married life on beauty alone. Remember, Iman.
Lineage - Coming for a good family. One with good ancestors. This isnt good being famous or anything. Coming from a family who is regarded to have been a religious family and good iman.
Pleasure - Allahs Messenger S.A.W said "life is a form of pleasure, ad the best form of pleasure in this life is a righteous woman"
Treasure - Allahs Messenger S.A.W said "Have I not told you about the best treasure that a person possesses? The righteous woman: if he looks at her, she pleases him. If he asks her, she answers him and if he travels, she protects her chastity."
Fertility - Allahs Messenger S.A.W said "Marry the fertile and loving; verily, i am going to be boasting about your abundance among other nations on Judgement Day." (This means the number of muslims on the day of judgement. Good muslims come from good families. Good families come from good mothers)
Virgin - Self explanatory. HAHAHA.
Ok so basically, choose a future wife who has good iman. Pokoknya alim lah. Its important because a husband with good iman and a wife with good iman, this is the best start to starting a happy family.
Ok so atu saja for now. Unfortunately im going to be going to manchester for the whole week. Not going to be able to update for around 5-6 days so dont bother checking for a while. Please comment and share your thoughts and knowledge. That will be awesome. Its also late so I havent had chance to proof read. Apologies for any mistakes that I probably have made.
A proper run through when im done with the whole part, with my views and thoughts. Any questions made on the comments will also be done i guess, if there is any. Bah.
Assalamualaikum Warrahmatullahi Wabarakattuh.
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so there are two conditions in finding a husband? moral conduct and religious background?is there any specific hadith which specify clearly any reasons in choosing a husband like the four reasons in choosing a wife? i find it self explanatory pulang pasal moral conduct and religious background pasal if a man is of strong religious background (pious), he will understand his responsibilities as a husband (ie memberi nafkah and etc) but bagi yang ada ugama but kurang alim (kurang ilmu), this thing kadang2 misleading. For example, a husband inda bagi the wife nafkah zahir because he has to give the mother because dalam Islam memang syurga di bawah telapak kaki ibu but at one end the wife is his responsibility too. just random thoughts. i think this is the reason why bini2 ani sanang dapat pahala sanang dapat dusa.
ReplyDeleteJust a passing thought after reading both parts:
ReplyDeletesometimes it feels like the focus is heavily on 'what i want'..mau lelaki/perempuan yang (insert qualities here), and less emphasis on reflection on oneself. macam the ayat you quoted arah the previous post (24:26) ah, selalunya kan kana pakai to support the notion of 'you get what you deserve'..kalau tani ani lelaki/perempuan yang baik/jahat, then we will get perempuan/lelaki yang baik/jahat jua... my point is, mudahan jua ah when people reflect on the ayat, people will not only get their priorities straight in choosing the person they'll be spending their life with, but also reflect on whether they are good enough themselves to deserve a good person in return.
macam like sometimes i hear kalau ada urg kana tanya (i know i know urg main2 selalunya masa tanya soalan ani..haha..but just hear me out, for the sake of arguing a point) 'eh ko bila kan kawin???'..the common answer selalunya 'ai alum cukup duitku..alum dapat bagi makan anak urg'...jarang (alum pernah sebanarnya) kan mendangar 'ai alum cukup iman ku kan menjadi imam'...
keep on writing. it's been an interesting learning process to watch. :)
ugly chase
ReplyDeleteIt was wajib for a man to look after his wife. It was wajib for the husband to bayar the nafkah to the wife as well. This on top of looking after his parents as well. It is also wajib to look after your parents. So i dont really get your question about guys yang kurang alim. Kalau dorang kurang alim, then they are not the right kind of person to jadi a husband.
I agree that most of the time we think about the other person more than we do ourselves. Cari yang alim tia, cari yang lawa tia and I also agree pasal we never say "alum cukup iman ku to kawin".
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, not only do men need to have sufficient iman to marry, we also need to have sufficient means to look after our future family as well. One of the reasons why it is recommended to find a wife who has good iman is so she also understands the pressures which are on her husband. This is so she wont be to demanding and also so she can help him through his times of need.
Basically the point is, yeah we have these guidelines to look for a spouse, but we also have guidelines set from Nabi Muhammad S.A.W to complete our own iman. How to become a better person and to ensure we are safe in the hereafter. Pokoknya, ensure you are heading on the right path while also looking for a wife or husband who is also on the right path. That is the key to a succesful life and also the hereafter.
kan urang ani ada alim dan berugama. there is a saying (not sure from whom) "berilmu tanpa beramal(ugama) adalah sia-sia, beramal tanpa berilmu adalah bodoh". and my question was is there any specific hadith or Ayat which specify clearly reasons/conditions in choosing a husband? because for someone yang kurang alim (kurang ilmu), they'll tend to presume Hadith/Ayat yang lebih direct and unlikely to accept ijma' atau qiyas.
ReplyDeleteSalam,
ReplyDeleteJust passing by and thanks for sharing. There's also another good article psl milih2 calon:
http://an-nawawi.blogspot.com/2008/01/memilih-suami-yang-soleh.html
http://an-nawawi.blogspot.com/2007/11/memilih-calun-isteri-anjuran-rasulullah.html
Wassalam