Assalamualaikum
Again sorry for the delay in writing part 3. I was in Manchester for the whole week and had little time to write anything. Main farmville saja.
Ok so I have talked about what to look for in a husband and what to look for in a wife. Ada one question about if there is any proof saying why a man should have good moral conduct and good religious background. I cant really find anything specific in my notes about why your future husband should have these qualities, but there are tons of verses from the Al-Quran and from the Prophet S.A.W sunnah that a man should have these qualities anyway. Everyone should strive to get these qualities to become a better muslim. Thats the best I can give you unfortunately.
COMPATIBILITY
So you have found the person who has the perfect qualities to become a spouse. Should you marry right there and then? Of course not. There are plenty of other things that you can discuss to make sure you are making the right decision. Are you compatible in terms of intellect, physical looks, financially, morally and psychologically? And of course are you compatible in terms of iman and spirituality? All of these things can be important in the future because your spouse will not only be your spouse in the dunia, but they will also be your spouse in the hereafter.
This is why picking a spouse is so important. Its not a decision you should take lightly. You should get to know the person you are going to marry before you actually marry the person. But this does not mean dating is halal. Dating is still very much haram. But there are plenty of ways to get to know a person without going into haram territory.
Taaruf, meeting each other via family and friends. As long as inda jumpa one on one saja. There are plenty of other ways jua masa ani with technology at the peak of the social mountain.... or something. Facebook, msn, hotmail bla bla bla. But when doing this you need to watch what you talk about. It is halal as long as what you are talking about it not something you will be embarrassed about if each of your parents or guardians tebaca it. This makes sure you arent talking about anything yang inda tantu tantu. Sorry I dont really have any proofs to back this up. This is actually my take on the whole situation but please feel free to post anything that you may not agree with or stuff you may want to add.
Now you've found yourself the perfect girl or guy. What next? Kawin. Alum. There is a 4 point method before you take the plunge.
1) Istishaarah (consulting others)
Asking people about the other persons background. Collecting information about what kind of person they are. Do your homework before making one of the most important decisions in your life
2) Istikhaarah
Imam an-Nawawi rahimahullah said "In this [the narration about the istikhaara of Zainab radi-allahu anha] is a recommendation to make istikhaarah for anyone who has any matter concering him, whether the goodness in the matter be clear or not. It may be that she made istikhaarah due to her fear that she might fall into some shortcoming in serving him (Prophet Muhammad S.A.W)"
3) Determination
After you do these 2 and if you get signs from the istikhaarah prayer, act accordingly with full faith that you are doing the right thing as you have received a sign from Allah.
4) Trust
Yah. Put your trust in Allah and dont hesitate. Alhamdullillah you have found your soul mate and are on the road to completion of your iman.
Thats all for now. Hopefully all of that made sense. Please leave comments and feedback. May Allah bless us and our future choices, or if kamu kawin sudah, may Allah bless your marriage and your future children. Amin
Ok. Assalamualaikum
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compatibility can be such a scary notion at times.. similar or complementary? complementary or similar?
ReplyDeletekiranyalah we have A ani yg (relatively) established in his/her iman and spiritual side and B yang still seeking, masih lagi membina kekuatan iman (walaupun urg yg meliat inda nampak usahanya kadang2)...would these 2 be compatible-since they complement one another and one could help the other?
or would A have to find another A, and B cari another B?
just a thought.
This is true ms Z and duly noted.
ReplyDeleteTapi here is the thing. When we have a certain level of iman, and our potential partner ani is still in the process of building his or her iman, we have to take note of where they are in their building process.
Adakah dorang sadar sudah to the magnificence of Islam, or are they still in two minds.
Do they still drink, party, fornicate etc. To they do this while knowing sudah what the consequences are. Because if they do, then I dont think these people understand what Islam really is about and how they should show there appreciation to Allah.
But if they have left all of these things, made sacrifices to make themselves into a better muslim, then maybe they will make a good spouse.
But you need to ask yourself. Is this going to last or will they just go back to being the same people they were masa dulu. You cant marry someone and expect them to change. You cant also bet on the fact that they might change sudah kawin or sudah mikin tua. It might never happen unfortunately.
So the question is, take the risk in marrying a person who may or may not become a good muslim. Or find a good muslim. It may be inconvenient now, but this is only dunia and everything is temporary. We should make sacrifices for akhirat and jannah insyallah.
haha sorry blunt berabis, but this is the reality.
Assalamualaikum
take risks w mr not-quite-ideal or wait for the (now) rare species of good muslim males? Haih..
ReplyDeleteOn a related note, now tht you've laid bare your past in the recent post, inda ko takut krg nada urg mau take risks with u.. ? Haha..i'm just pulling your leg.
hahaha sabar saja. ill enjoy the rest of my single life and main game berabis. hopefully future wife ku inda marah kalau aku main game everyday
ReplyDeleteYou said, "your spouse will not only be your spouse in the dunia, but they will also be your spouse in the hereafter". So does that mean that somebody yang nda kawin will be alone in the hereafter? *sigh* scary thought... I hope I'll be able to look for my parents in the hereafter and hopefully they won't mind if I stick around forever.
ReplyDelete