Assalamualaikum
Again sorry for the delay in writing part 3. I was in Manchester for the whole week and had little time to write anything. Main farmville saja.
Ok so I have talked about what to look for in a husband and what to look for in a wife. Ada one question about if there is any proof saying why a man should have good moral conduct and good religious background. I cant really find anything specific in my notes about why your future husband should have these qualities, but there are tons of verses from the Al-Quran and from the Prophet S.A.W sunnah that a man should have these qualities anyway. Everyone should strive to get these qualities to become a better muslim. Thats the best I can give you unfortunately.
COMPATIBILITY
So you have found the person who has the perfect qualities to become a spouse. Should you marry right there and then? Of course not. There are plenty of other things that you can discuss to make sure you are making the right decision. Are you compatible in terms of intellect, physical looks, financially, morally and psychologically? And of course are you compatible in terms of iman and spirituality? All of these things can be important in the future because your spouse will not only be your spouse in the dunia, but they will also be your spouse in the hereafter.
This is why picking a spouse is so important. Its not a decision you should take lightly. You should get to know the person you are going to marry before you actually marry the person. But this does not mean dating is halal. Dating is still very much haram. But there are plenty of ways to get to know a person without going into haram territory.
Taaruf, meeting each other via family and friends. As long as inda jumpa one on one saja. There are plenty of other ways jua masa ani with technology at the peak of the social mountain.... or something. Facebook, msn, hotmail bla bla bla. But when doing this you need to watch what you talk about. It is halal as long as what you are talking about it not something you will be embarrassed about if each of your parents or guardians tebaca it. This makes sure you arent talking about anything yang inda tantu tantu. Sorry I dont really have any proofs to back this up. This is actually my take on the whole situation but please feel free to post anything that you may not agree with or stuff you may want to add.
Now you've found yourself the perfect girl or guy. What next? Kawin. Alum. There is a 4 point method before you take the plunge.
1) Istishaarah (consulting others)
Asking people about the other persons background. Collecting information about what kind of person they are. Do your homework before making one of the most important decisions in your life
2) Istikhaarah
Imam an-Nawawi rahimahullah said "In this [the narration about the istikhaara of Zainab radi-allahu anha] is a recommendation to make istikhaarah for anyone who has any matter concering him, whether the goodness in the matter be clear or not. It may be that she made istikhaarah due to her fear that she might fall into some shortcoming in serving him (Prophet Muhammad S.A.W)"
3) Determination
After you do these 2 and if you get signs from the istikhaarah prayer, act accordingly with full faith that you are doing the right thing as you have received a sign from Allah.
4) Trust
Yah. Put your trust in Allah and dont hesitate. Alhamdullillah you have found your soul mate and are on the road to completion of your iman.
Thats all for now. Hopefully all of that made sense. Please leave comments and feedback. May Allah bless us and our future choices, or if kamu kawin sudah, may Allah bless your marriage and your future children. Amin
Ok. Assalamualaikum
Showing posts with label Home Sweet Home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Home Sweet Home. Show all posts
Monday, 22 February 2010
Monday, 15 February 2010
Part 2- Home Sweet Home
PART 1 - CHOOSING A SPOUSE/PARTNER/WIFE/HUSBAND (cont)
The 4 conditions in looking for a wife
Assalamualaikum warrahamatullahi wabarakattuh
So here is the 2nd part of the first part, If you get what I mean. Hopefully the first part went down well and I was able to convey the lessons I was taught properly. Hopefully I did it justice. I also thought of something else a while ago, I think at the end of part 1, I will try and give my thoughts on everything and try and explain stuff the way I think it should be explained. But that will come sooner, not yet, as there is still quite abit to talk about. Moving on.
The big picture. The Ummah. The people of Islam and the true believers. These are made of nations. Nations made of communities. Communities made of families. The core of the family, the woman. The woman is the mother, daughter, aunt and the wife. They are the heart of the family which is why is it very important to find the best woman you can so you can have a happy family. This is why, every female, every girl and woman needs to work on there faith. They need to improve themselves as a muslim as they hold the responsibility not only to look after their family, but also their husband. Lets say a husband and a wife has 4 children. This just means that she has 5 children to look after. Its simple maths.
The Prophet Muhammad S.A.W said that
"A woman is married for 4 reasons. Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her Iman. So choose the one with good practice of iman, may your hands be rubbed in dust"
So we can see here the 4 things we look for when looking for a mate.. or rather a wife. I say things and not conditions because these arent conditions to find a good wife. There is only 1 thing needed for a good wife. This is iman.
A nice thing to keep in mind. A wife with iman, you have 1 point. A wife who is also beautiful, add a zero to that and you have a 10. A wife who also has good lineage, a good family, add another zero and you have 100. A rich wife on top of all of this, 1000. But take away the iman and all you have is 3 zeroes. Whats most important? Iman. Iman. Iman.
Another note. Imam Ahmed rahimahullah said
' If a man seeks to get married, then he should ask about her beauty first. If she is beautiful, then he should ask regarding her deen (iman). If she is praised for her deen, then he can proceed and marry her. If she is not praised for her practise of deen, then his rejecting her will be on the basis of religion. He should not ask first about her deen and then her beauty. This is because he will then be rejecting her based on her beauty, and not religion.'
Beauty - You can look for a beautiful wife. But dont build your married life on beauty alone. Remember, Iman.
Lineage - Coming for a good family. One with good ancestors. This isnt good being famous or anything. Coming from a family who is regarded to have been a religious family and good iman.
Pleasure - Allahs Messenger S.A.W said "life is a form of pleasure, ad the best form of pleasure in this life is a righteous woman"
Treasure - Allahs Messenger S.A.W said "Have I not told you about the best treasure that a person possesses? The righteous woman: if he looks at her, she pleases him. If he asks her, she answers him and if he travels, she protects her chastity."
Fertility - Allahs Messenger S.A.W said "Marry the fertile and loving; verily, i am going to be boasting about your abundance among other nations on Judgement Day." (This means the number of muslims on the day of judgement. Good muslims come from good families. Good families come from good mothers)
Virgin - Self explanatory. HAHAHA.
Ok so basically, choose a future wife who has good iman. Pokoknya alim lah. Its important because a husband with good iman and a wife with good iman, this is the best start to starting a happy family.
Ok so atu saja for now. Unfortunately im going to be going to manchester for the whole week. Not going to be able to update for around 5-6 days so dont bother checking for a while. Please comment and share your thoughts and knowledge. That will be awesome. Its also late so I havent had chance to proof read. Apologies for any mistakes that I probably have made.
A proper run through when im done with the whole part, with my views and thoughts. Any questions made on the comments will also be done i guess, if there is any. Bah.
Assalamualaikum Warrahmatullahi Wabarakattuh.
The 4 conditions in looking for a wife
Assalamualaikum warrahamatullahi wabarakattuh
So here is the 2nd part of the first part, If you get what I mean. Hopefully the first part went down well and I was able to convey the lessons I was taught properly. Hopefully I did it justice. I also thought of something else a while ago, I think at the end of part 1, I will try and give my thoughts on everything and try and explain stuff the way I think it should be explained. But that will come sooner, not yet, as there is still quite abit to talk about. Moving on.
The big picture. The Ummah. The people of Islam and the true believers. These are made of nations. Nations made of communities. Communities made of families. The core of the family, the woman. The woman is the mother, daughter, aunt and the wife. They are the heart of the family which is why is it very important to find the best woman you can so you can have a happy family. This is why, every female, every girl and woman needs to work on there faith. They need to improve themselves as a muslim as they hold the responsibility not only to look after their family, but also their husband. Lets say a husband and a wife has 4 children. This just means that she has 5 children to look after. Its simple maths.
The Prophet Muhammad S.A.W said that
"A woman is married for 4 reasons. Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her Iman. So choose the one with good practice of iman, may your hands be rubbed in dust"
So we can see here the 4 things we look for when looking for a mate.. or rather a wife. I say things and not conditions because these arent conditions to find a good wife. There is only 1 thing needed for a good wife. This is iman.
A nice thing to keep in mind. A wife with iman, you have 1 point. A wife who is also beautiful, add a zero to that and you have a 10. A wife who also has good lineage, a good family, add another zero and you have 100. A rich wife on top of all of this, 1000. But take away the iman and all you have is 3 zeroes. Whats most important? Iman. Iman. Iman.
Another note. Imam Ahmed rahimahullah said
' If a man seeks to get married, then he should ask about her beauty first. If she is beautiful, then he should ask regarding her deen (iman). If she is praised for her deen, then he can proceed and marry her. If she is not praised for her practise of deen, then his rejecting her will be on the basis of religion. He should not ask first about her deen and then her beauty. This is because he will then be rejecting her based on her beauty, and not religion.'
Beauty - You can look for a beautiful wife. But dont build your married life on beauty alone. Remember, Iman.
Lineage - Coming for a good family. One with good ancestors. This isnt good being famous or anything. Coming from a family who is regarded to have been a religious family and good iman.
Pleasure - Allahs Messenger S.A.W said "life is a form of pleasure, ad the best form of pleasure in this life is a righteous woman"
Treasure - Allahs Messenger S.A.W said "Have I not told you about the best treasure that a person possesses? The righteous woman: if he looks at her, she pleases him. If he asks her, she answers him and if he travels, she protects her chastity."
Fertility - Allahs Messenger S.A.W said "Marry the fertile and loving; verily, i am going to be boasting about your abundance among other nations on Judgement Day." (This means the number of muslims on the day of judgement. Good muslims come from good families. Good families come from good mothers)
Virgin - Self explanatory. HAHAHA.
Ok so basically, choose a future wife who has good iman. Pokoknya alim lah. Its important because a husband with good iman and a wife with good iman, this is the best start to starting a happy family.
Ok so atu saja for now. Unfortunately im going to be going to manchester for the whole week. Not going to be able to update for around 5-6 days so dont bother checking for a while. Please comment and share your thoughts and knowledge. That will be awesome. Its also late so I havent had chance to proof read. Apologies for any mistakes that I probably have made.
A proper run through when im done with the whole part, with my views and thoughts. Any questions made on the comments will also be done i guess, if there is any. Bah.
Assalamualaikum Warrahmatullahi Wabarakattuh.
Saturday, 13 February 2010
Part 1 - Home Sweet Home
Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarakatuh
First of all im going to start by trying to outline how im going to go about this. Reason it took me a while is because I cant really find out how I am going to do this most effectively.
The stuff that is taught may seem harsh, maybe to some a little old fashioned, but these are the teachings of the Al-Quran and Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. Nowadays, sex and the like are all the rage. Divorce rates are sky high, unplanned pregnancies. All you have to do is look at the mall and realise that values have gone. Its because we think these teachings are old fashioned that we decide its ok to maybe leave out a few of the things which are vital to having a strong iman. A quote from one of my teachers in MD, times may change but religion will always be the same. Dont think that because we are getting more westernised we can just forget our religious values. ISLAM TEPAT ISLAM.
Ok so secondly, I want to thank the AlKauthar institute for organising a learning institution which is so refreshing in a time where we lose sight of what is really important in life.
Last but not least, a huge thanks to Sheikh Alaa Elsayed for an amazing lecture and talk. I thought I lost all motivation to study, but after the weekend I just realised ive just lost motivation to study law and other useless subjects. Its made me realise that there is still so much that I dont know about my religion and there is still so much I need to learn. A quote from Sheikh Alaa to start off
"The thing about knowledge is that the more you know, the more you realise you dont know"
Bah lets start. I apologize for any mistakes I may make in my conveying of the knowledge. May Allah forgive me for my mistakes and my sins and let me by sincere in trying to share what I have learned. Amin.
PART 1 - CHOOSING A SPOUSE/PARTNER/WIFE/HUSBAND
The 2 conditions in looking for a husband
Prophet Muhammad S.A.W advised us
"Choose carefully for your children. Marry the suitable and give in marriage to them."
1) Moral Conduct.
I think this is rather self explanatory. When a woman is choosing a partner, well banarnya husband, they should look for one who has moral conduct. One who is able to be sensitive and treat the woman with the respect she deserves whenever she needs. And we all know that women do need this, a guy who listens, a guy who is sensitive and a guy who shares his feelings. We dont need to look far for this, its always in the movies.
The prophet s.a.w also justifies this reasoning by saying that 'If one chooses a partner who does not possess moral conduct, they may not treat the woman with the sensitivity that she deserves'.
"Bad statements are for bad people [or bad women for bad men] ad bad people for bad statements [or bad men for bad women]. Good statements are for good people [or good women for good men] and good poeple for good statements [or good men for good women]. Such good people are innocent of every bad statement which they say. for them is forgiveness and Rizqun Karim (generous provisions. ie paradise) al-Noor 24:26
2) Religious Background
"The diffrence between the man and the state of disbelief and ascribing partners unto Allah is leaving the prayer" (narrated by Muslim)
Basically. Pick a husband who is alim and has faith. A good muslim.
Think about this, if a man forgets his duties towards Allah, do you think he is going to bother with his duties towards his wife. Maybe a month or two, but marriage is for the long run.
3) Other Factors
Appearance - Prophet Muhammad S.A.W recommends that a wife sees her husband first so that she can be content with his appearance.
Fertility- Well his ability to have children. Is this self explanatory? Im not sure.
Piety -1. reverence for God or devout fulfillment of religious obligations: a prayer full of piety.
2. the quality or state of being pious: saintly piety.
3. dutiful respect or regard for parents, homeland, etc.: filial piety.
4. a pious act, remark, belief, or the like: the pieties and sacrifices of an austere life.
Im not sure if this helps. This is going to be all for now as it is getting really really late. If you want to ask any questions please feel free and leave a comment. Maybe your comments will jog my memory into what Sheikh Alaa said and help me explain a little better. Feel free to leave any tambahans to what I have wrote jua. Correct me if ada salah.
Ok next will be what to look for in a wife.
Assalamualaikum and good night
First of all im going to start by trying to outline how im going to go about this. Reason it took me a while is because I cant really find out how I am going to do this most effectively.
The stuff that is taught may seem harsh, maybe to some a little old fashioned, but these are the teachings of the Al-Quran and Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. Nowadays, sex and the like are all the rage. Divorce rates are sky high, unplanned pregnancies. All you have to do is look at the mall and realise that values have gone. Its because we think these teachings are old fashioned that we decide its ok to maybe leave out a few of the things which are vital to having a strong iman. A quote from one of my teachers in MD, times may change but religion will always be the same. Dont think that because we are getting more westernised we can just forget our religious values. ISLAM TEPAT ISLAM.
Ok so secondly, I want to thank the AlKauthar institute for organising a learning institution which is so refreshing in a time where we lose sight of what is really important in life.
Last but not least, a huge thanks to Sheikh Alaa Elsayed for an amazing lecture and talk. I thought I lost all motivation to study, but after the weekend I just realised ive just lost motivation to study law and other useless subjects. Its made me realise that there is still so much that I dont know about my religion and there is still so much I need to learn. A quote from Sheikh Alaa to start off
"The thing about knowledge is that the more you know, the more you realise you dont know"
Bah lets start. I apologize for any mistakes I may make in my conveying of the knowledge. May Allah forgive me for my mistakes and my sins and let me by sincere in trying to share what I have learned. Amin.
PART 1 - CHOOSING A SPOUSE/PARTNER/WIFE/HUSBAND
The 2 conditions in looking for a husband
Prophet Muhammad S.A.W advised us
"Choose carefully for your children. Marry the suitable and give in marriage to them."
1) Moral Conduct.
I think this is rather self explanatory. When a woman is choosing a partner, well banarnya husband, they should look for one who has moral conduct. One who is able to be sensitive and treat the woman with the respect she deserves whenever she needs. And we all know that women do need this, a guy who listens, a guy who is sensitive and a guy who shares his feelings. We dont need to look far for this, its always in the movies.
The prophet s.a.w also justifies this reasoning by saying that 'If one chooses a partner who does not possess moral conduct, they may not treat the woman with the sensitivity that she deserves'.
"Bad statements are for bad people [or bad women for bad men] ad bad people for bad statements [or bad men for bad women]. Good statements are for good people [or good women for good men] and good poeple for good statements [or good men for good women]. Such good people are innocent of every bad statement which they say. for them is forgiveness and Rizqun Karim (generous provisions. ie paradise) al-Noor 24:26
2) Religious Background
"The diffrence between the man and the state of disbelief and ascribing partners unto Allah is leaving the prayer" (narrated by Muslim)
Basically. Pick a husband who is alim and has faith. A good muslim.
Think about this, if a man forgets his duties towards Allah, do you think he is going to bother with his duties towards his wife. Maybe a month or two, but marriage is for the long run.
3) Other Factors
Appearance - Prophet Muhammad S.A.W recommends that a wife sees her husband first so that she can be content with his appearance.
Fertility- Well his ability to have children. Is this self explanatory? Im not sure.
Piety -1. reverence for God or devout fulfillment of religious obligations: a prayer full of piety.
2. the quality or state of being pious: saintly piety.
3. dutiful respect or regard for parents, homeland, etc.: filial piety.
4. a pious act, remark, belief, or the like: the pieties and sacrifices of an austere life.
Im not sure if this helps. This is going to be all for now as it is getting really really late. If you want to ask any questions please feel free and leave a comment. Maybe your comments will jog my memory into what Sheikh Alaa said and help me explain a little better. Feel free to leave any tambahans to what I have wrote jua. Correct me if ada salah.
Ok next will be what to look for in a wife.
Assalamualaikum and good night
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